Below are my many poems and a few short stories. I hope that you all enjoy them as much as I have over the past few years. They are organized by date. Please keep in mind that my work has evolved over time. If there is something that I have written that offends you or you think I should revise, please contact me.
To look at a specific time period, please use the links below:
You said I could be anything
You said I would make it no matter what
But look at me now,
I'm a failure
I trusted you and you let me down
Didn't you know that you were my everything
Having you is what kept me breathing
Being with you helped me see again
And now I'm seeing it and wishing I was blind
You said that you would be forever
You said you wouldn't let me get hurt again
But I should have known you were lying
I trusted you and you let me down
Didn't you know that you were me everything
Having you is what kept me breathing
Being with you helped me see again
And now I'm seeing it and wishing I was blind
You said that you wouldn't come back
You said I wasn't worth it anymore
But look at you now,
You came back and you're saying you love me
Didn't you know that you were my everything
Having you is what kept me breathing
Being with you helped me see again
And now I'm seeing that you're sorry and I'm wishing I was blind
Every morning I wake up
Expecting you to be lying next to me
I run away to our favorite place
Expecting you to be there waiting
I stand in the rain alone
Expecting you to come dance with me
I sit in a corner crying
Expecting you to come dry my tears
I wait on you to say goodbye
Then, unexpectedly, you kiss me
Walking down this path
I've walked too many times before
The words that came so easy
Are the words I've never said before
You told me that you loved me
And that my heart was safe with you
So why am I hurting now?
So this is why, you left me here
Left me here to cry my tears
Left me to wonder what I did wrong
You took my heart and shattered its foundation
Look at me now,
I'm broken
They're all walking by
Like I'm not here
It seems like they don't see me
I'm wasting my time here,
Wasting my life away
It seems I'm invisible,
Standing in this crowd
I'm screaming for help
And now I've lost my voice
But they just keep moving on
I'm begging for help
Reaching for someone's hand
Hoping they can pick me up
And put me back together
But I'm still here and no one sees me
It seems I'm invisible
Standing in this crowd
I was scream for help
But I lost my voice
And no one ever heard me
They just kept moving on
Don't look away from all your pain
It's following you, can't you see?
It wants revenge for everything you've done to me
It lies across her lips
Waiting for you to take her kiss
Her touch is like the sharpest knife
Speeding through your heart
So please, just come back
I need to know you love me
I can't live without you
So save me please
I'm drowning
Take my hand,
And just be with me
Last night I dreamed that he hurt me
He broke my heart in two
I was on the edge with a gun to my head
When out of nowhere, came you
You looked into my eyes as I started to cry
Then hugged me tight
My wrists were bleeding
My face was stained with tears
You were there taking care of me
Washing away all my fears
When I mentioned that no one truly loved me
You kissed me and said "That's untrue"
Last night I dreamed that he hurt me
He broke my heart in two
I was on the edge with a gun to my head
When out of nowhere, came you
You saw me and you fell in love
The beauty within you knew well
What you thought of me, I did not know
Until this very day
I cried the tears for one thousand loves
I spoke every word from my heart
I listened intently to the feelings pouring from you
I sensed it, but resisted it all
We began to talk more and more
He became jealous of love that we shared
He never wanted you to be with me
But here we are, perfect
I cried the tears for one thousand loves
I spoke every word form my heart
I listened intently to the feelings pouring from you
I sensed it, but resisted it all
Today, I held your hand
You gently kissed my lips
The wind was singing a song
Of a love that will never end
What am I to do tonight?
Now that you're gone
No late night movies to fall asleep watching with you
Parents can't spazz at us for sleeping too close
What am I to do tonight?
I can't call you just to hear you breathe
Just to hear your heart beat
Just to hear your voice and then hang up
What am I to do tonight?
There's no pop up that says "Hey, baby"
No "I love you" before I fall to sleep
No kiss on the forehead ever again
So, what am I to do tonight?
What am I to do?
Porcelain skin
Cherry red lips
Eyes of ocean's blue
A look that could kill
A touch that sent chills
A kiss of dying love
Black rose for death
Red rose for passion
White rose for heavenly shit
Light dims for darkness
Sun goes down for night
Darkness consumes so that every thing's alright
We hide under the covers
Not knowing what we're hiding from
There's a shadow walking across the room
Pacing back and forth
There's bloodshot eyes staring straight through us
Not knowing what they see
We fear for each other's lives
Then we lift the covers and every shadow is gone
I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life
I cut away the binding ties
I slit my wrist with the knife that cut me from his heart
But no one's going to read this
No one's going to hear my cry for help
No one's going to help me find myself
Maybe if I gave him this letter full of tears
No, I couldn't for I fear the rejection that comes
Because I know he won't take me back after all the things I've done
But this is just a poem
Just some words on a piece of paper
They don't mean anything to you or me
They're just words,
That no one's going to read
I sit here in this empty room
Reading letters from the past
But what good can they do me now
What's done is done I've found
I looked at a picture that I have of you and I
And I cried tears that should have already been cried
But what good are they to me now
What's done is done I've found
I read up on a broken heart
And under it was your name
It blames me in case you didn't notice
But would good does that do me now
What's done is done I've found
I want to fix this, but love's keeping me ashamed
Ashamed of the broken hearted-ness I set upon you
But what good does that do me now
What's done is done I've found
I suffer from a disease
The disease of a broken heart
I brought this all upon myself
I left him for someone else
I suffer from a disease
The disease of a broken heart
He let me fall in love with him
Then tore me all apart
I suffer from a disease
The disease of a broken heart
I love him and I know it
But I love the other more
I suffer from a disease
The disease of a broken heart
I found him once again,
And then I broke his heart
I don't know what to think
I don't know what to say
I know that when I find out,
I'll hurt someone in some way
What's wrong with me?
I'm scared to be,
Anything but afraid of who I am
And what I will become
I've loved from the darkness in my heart
I've hated with the deepest of my soul
So now what do I have left?
Lies and undying truths
People are leaving this sickly place
They're running away and hoping to never come back
I wish to leave but I will not become a failure
I will not give in to the solitude which I left behind
So what about you,
Where are you from, what lies have you told
Whose heart have you broken, whose love have you lost
Why are you here, why did you come back when everyone was trying to forget you
You've loved from the darkness in your heart
You've hated with the deepest of your soul
So now what do you have left?
Lies and undying truths
I'm pretty sure I love you, but how am I to know? I only see what is before my, not what's behind the door. I guess I'm hiding from your love, that's why I can't see you. That's why I cry myself to sleep at night. That's why i hate myself. That's why I wish to die. I think I've made it clear, that I turned your life into a living hell. Don't love me. Don't hate me. See me as someone you once knew. Remember through thick and thin that I really think I love you.
Give up! Give Up!
He said to me
But I won't give up
I won't leave it be
I won't shove the pieces
To the back of the shelf
I won't look away
So my emotions aren't seen
I won't blend in
Because I want him to notice me
I won't pretend that I don't
Because I do
I won't kiss him
Unless he kisses me first
I won't give up
I won't leave it be
I love you like the wind and the rain
I'll love you through this hurricane
This mistake I wish I could fix,
But there's nothing I can do
I love you like the night around me
I'll love you through the pain
Baby, can I fix this mistake?
Is there anything I can do?
I love you like the gleaming moonlight
I'll always love you in this upside-down world
Tell me, baby, what can I do to get you back?
I miss you more than you know
I lie down in this bed of bloody razorblades
The cloth clinging to my bloody arms
I try my best to hide the cuts
But the blood keeps running down
Dripping from my fingertips
Soaking through my gown
I lie down in this bed of bloody razorblades
I say goodnight to the empty room
Expecting some reply
I toss and turn, letting the blades cut
Deeper and deeper into my skin
What happens when there's no more blood to bleed?
I lie down in this bed of bloody razorblades
Not a beat left in my heart
Not a drop of blood left to slip away
You could say that cutting was an art
Not too deep, just enough to make it bleed
Depending on how bad I felt, just a scratch could make me see
I lie down in this bed of bloody razorblades
The door creaks and light shines in
They run across the room to me
Seeing my lifeless body from afar,
But before they ever make it
A light flashes and somehow, I'm gone
I called tonight just to say goodbye just to hear your voice one last time but I don't know what to say and this is my last day my last chance our last dance when we never had our first its like a never ending thirst that cant be quenched its like an addiction to crack or cocaine once you try it you've got to keep buying it but why do we have to keep jamming these needles deep in our veins or cutting until theres no blood left to bleed or drinking until you cant tell left from right or giving up without a fight forget tonight its just been one of those days where you go through it in a haze THERES NOTHING LEFT is there no more rhymes no more words no more breaths no more kisses no more hugs THERES NOTHING LEFT
Why, oh, why are you always in my thoughts
I've fought and I've fought
Trying to escape the things I don't recognize
I only see these hollow eyes
What do I do, babe?
Answer me that.
From the day I looked
Into your eyes,
I saw something,
It was a bit of a surprise
I saw that you loved me
So deep and so true
And then I finally realized
"By George, I love you too!"
Ive played with your heart
I'm ashamed of it too
But maybe I keep running,
Because I'm afraid of you
I love you, my dear
But what should I do
I'm afraid to be happy,
To be happy with you
Whatever happens,
I promise to you
I wont ever leave,
Ill just hide from you
But seek out the path
Just follow my laugh
You'll find me,
I know
"Shh! I think someones coming
Lets hide in the closet,
We might have some fun.
They're looking for us,
What shall we do?
Quick! Lets be nifty
Well distract them we will
Just dash out the door
O! What a thrill!"
I hear the phone ringing
Who could it be?
I answer it now,
1, 2, 3
Hello, my love,
How you be?
I'm lying in bed
Just thinking of thee
I know that you hate it
But you love it too
I shall walk up behind you
And tickle you!
And when you least expect it
I might lick your ear
The reaction is worth it
My dear
This poem is getting too long
I could turn it into a song
It'd be funny you know
To hear this silly thing that I wrote
Over radio waves
Oh, baby, be have!
O! How I wish
I could give you a kiss
Did you know, every morning,
When I greet the day
The first thing I see
Is your beautiful face?
Yes, I know it is weird
To call a man beautiful
Lets change it to handsome.
Now, is that better?
Wow, we look stoned
But I know that we aren't
Were just happy
And laughing
I can see us now
You're arms wrapped around me
Just smiling away
My lips just grazing your cheek
You tell me each day
Not to pull your chain
But you know
I will do it anyway
You love it, you do
You know that its true
My stanzas are shrinking
Now I'm thinking
Maybe I should just get to the point
Now, here it is
The moment you've wanted
To see where the rabbit hole goes
Now you're here,
At the end
So now, it depends
Do you open the door
Or just turn away?
Good evening
This day you've decided
To open the door
And see who's behind it
Its me
You've been looking for all along
This is the end
Now, Im going to give you a hug!
I look at the eyes I see in the mirror
Never beneath them to see what I fear
I stare at them with they're blank expression
Never believing the truths I am given
I don't think I'm beautiful
Or pretty
Or cute
I just think I'm me
Nothing more
Nothing less
This poem I'm writing
It lacks any rhyme
It's just words on some paper
Just a waste of time
But I'm writing because
That feeling is here
That feeling I hate
That feeling I fear
It is guilt
It is love
It is hate
It is happiness
It is everything that I'll never know
I stare at these lines
And I can't figure out why
I get sick to my stomach
Just from feeling
I need someone to help me
Someone to save me
I think I should turn to Jesus,
My Savior
It's a been a long time
For I'd turned away
But now I think I've found the better way
So today I believe
I'll fall to my knees
And look to the sky
For the God up above
I know I won't see him
But I'll feel that he's there
Watching me there
And answering my prayers
Sometimes I wish I could go back
Erase the loves from my past
And never feel again
But I can't go back
I can't fix my mistakes
I can't stop him from loving me
Sometimes I get this guilty feeling
Like I'm lying to his heart
I know he loves me
And it just makes me fall apart
To think I want to take away that love
Erase him from my life
Sometimes I think I love him
More than anything in the world
But I don't know what love is
I'm just a silly girl
I'm 13 years of age
And all I want to do
Is go back in time
And erase you
Maybe I'd be better off
Just running from the past
But I can't run from everything
It follows down my path
I guess I can keep running
And maybe it will be true
Maybe someday
I can erase you
She looks across the room
She sees a picture of you
Yes, you broke her heart
But you've said your sorry
So many times before
So she just looks
And thinks about you
Thinks about your kiss
Thinks about what she should do
But she never truly knows
For her mind is never truly made
All she knows is that somewhere inside
Deep in her heart
She feels love for someone
That's always provided
Her with happiness
And that happiness she misses
Like you miss her kisses
And her touch
And the way she looked at you
When she said she loved you
More than anything
So you think you might still love her?
What are you goin' to do?
You can't just stand around and wait
She'll forget you in time
Or so you think
But honestly she won't
Because you're the love of her life
It just takes some time to realize it
Right now she's lying on her bed
Thinking of your kiss
And your touch
And the way you said "I love you
More than anything"
Wishing it could be real again
She thinks it's just a game to you
So take her before you lose
Make her happy
Like she wants you to
Tell her how you feel
Before your time is through
You think someone else could steal her
So easily from you
You say she's beautiful
Her kiss so passionate
Her skin so soft
Her heart so true
But she could never love anyone
The way she loves you
If I was to write to you
A letter of my love
Would you respond and send it
By the wings of a dove?
I know that I'm not much to you
Just a token or a prize
Or maybe that's what other's think
You love me behind those eyes
You'll never lie
You'll never cheat
Or is that just
What I think?
I'm hoping that someday you will
Let me know just how you feel
Because I know you have a liking for me
When will you ever see?
I'll dye my hair
Maybe change my name
But I know you'll find me again
I'm just trying to elude you, just for now
You'll never lie
You'll never cheat
Or is that just
What I think?
Three years from now
When I'm grown up
And I'm in college gettin' drunk
Maybe you and I will be better off
I know it sounds a little strange
To say I will be with you all of my days
But you know I will I said I'd love you forever,
That's a promise that I can always keep
You'll never lie
You'll never cheat
Or is that just
What I think?
Maybe someday, when we're old
And things are new
We'll settle down and everything will be through
'Cause all I want, is to spend my days with you
I'm thinking way too far ahead
Let's just think of now and then
When we're alone in our dorm room
Looking out the window towards the moon
You'll never lie
You'll never cheat
And I know it's not just what I think
You're always here, and your love is real
This world that I am living in
Has nothing to do with you or him
This reality that you call home
Is not my favorite place to roam
But no matter what I tell to you
You think I'm lying, I know you do
Sometimes it's best to not forget
I guess that's something you'll never get
I try my best to keep it real
I do it pretty well I feel
But it's always "You should get over him"
I am in your "real" world
But no matter what I tell you
You think I'm lying, I know you do
Sometimes it's best to not forget
I guess that's something you'll never get
I live my life, day by day
I believe that's my only way
Of surviving criticism and hypocricy
You can't understand this part of me
But no matter what I tell you
You think I'm lying, I know you do
Sometimes it's best to not forget
I guess that's something you'll never get
I never understand it myself
I know you don't
Add it to the forgotten thoughts
That sit upon that high, top shelf
But no matter what I tell you
You think I'm lying, I know you do
Sometimes it's best to not forget
I guess that's something you'll never get
I know you think there's something wrong
But I've been happy all along
You just have to be around
When no one's here to get me down
But no matter what I tell you
You think I'm lying, I know you do
Sometimes it's best to not forget
I guess that's something you'll never get
I look across the land
From where I stand
I see the gray clouds crashing
Thunder booming
Lightning striking
'Tis beautiful to me
The wind starts blowing
The trees start swaying
They look like they're dancing
Soon they will drink
And quench their thirst in the drops
The first drop falls
It's icy cold upon my skin
I stand there as more drops fall
Soaking my body down to the bone
Washing away my worries
Washing away my thoughts
I lay down in my bed and wondered
What's so great about today
And then I listened to you whisper
Things I've never heard you say
I almost started crying
But I never shed a tear
I just listened to you whisper
Things that only I can hear
I didn't say a word
I think you knew what I was thinking
As a lay there, listening to you whisper
Things you'd only say if life was shrinking
When I was a little girl,
I used to pretend
Now I've grown up a bit
And I'm doing it again
I'm truthful,
But I keep love hidden
So no one knows
The hell I'm livin'
It's not so bad,
Yes I know
But it takes it all
And all I am givin'
But I just can't escape
From my ignorant decisions
Today is another day
Tonight's another night
Inside my heart's another fight
And I'll battle until light
Then paint on this face of mine
Hell, I might even try to rhyme
As I tell them that I'm fine
No need for the jacket
Or medication to change me
I just need to be left alone
So run along
And things will be grand
In this strange and unusual land
She looks around at what she knew
But there's nothing more she can do
So she says her goodbyes with ink on paper
And tells them she won't see them later
The blood drops down upon her notes
She doesn't want to let them go
The room is spinning 'round her now
She falls down to the ground
She screams out his name in vain
She knows he cannot hear her
She stares at the trail of blood and tears
Says goodbye to all of her fears
And then her heart stops
To those who know me well,
You can see when my life falls to a living hell
Maybe it's not that drastic
But maybe you can grasp it
I'm just here to tell you how
My heart is beating faster
And I don't want to pretend
He's my friend, but he has more
He has me but not my heart
I'm just faking, it's an art
But the one I truly love
Seems to be from up above
He's truly an angel in disguise
Hell, I love this guy
But I can't have him
This I know
This smile is just for show
When underneath the sleeves
There's cuts that bleed every night
I'm sick of the fight
This is my way of coping with the guilt
From all the feelings I can't feel
All I can do is lie
And hope he believes me all this time
His heart beats so true
But my heart doesn't beat for him
It beats for you
Now who's not okay
There's a bullet in my brain
And on it is your name
So kill me for pretending
You were my everything
For once, I was hoping
For a very happy ending
But I guess fairytales aren't real
When I can't even feel.
Look at me!
Look at me!
I can load a gun!
Look at me!
Look at me!
Isn't this such fun?
Look at me!
Look at me!
I can pull the trigger!
Look at me!
Look at me!
I can see it's perfect figure.
Look at me!
Look at me!
There's a bullet in my head!
Look at me!
Look at me!
Everyone, I'm dead!
She lies in bed
Thinking of the day ahead
Right now she's wishing she were dead
But that's just the depression getting to her head
She stands in the shower
The water rushing down with power
Growing more miserable by the hour
Everything is tasting sour
She's got the bullet in the gun
She's thinking it'll be fun
Her last vision, watching her blood run
She dies tonight with the sun
If everything is wrong
But we're so right
Why do we have to put up a fight?
Yes, he lied to me
He said I'd always be his best friend
So why am I the hated one?
I'm so happy now
I've finally found you
But why am I still going crazy?
Maybe it's me
Could it be
That I'm just not perfect?
The cuts they bleed from deep inside
They're her only way to hide
Her pain and her frustration
She sees him from afar
For her it is so hard
To give up on someone so perfect
Alone she lies and cries herself to sleep
But he'll never know what he's done to her
He'll never know he kills her with every look he gives
She was the town whore
But she was different from the rest
She only slept with rich men
She only slept with the best
This whore made one exception
After the ball that lonely night
She fucked a guy not knowing why
And then she took her flight
She went on with her business
Not knowing what to do
For she loved the poor man
But she wouldn't let her feelings through
This whore she went on living
Fucking men she didn't like
Men who were high in status
Men who drove cars and did not ride a bike
She did this for a while
Then the new girl came around
Everyone wanted that whore
This whore could not be found
She saw that no one wanted her
She saw her growing age
Remember, this isn't a fairytale
You might not want to turn the page
The handsome man who rode the bike
With little money and little trouble
Didn't want her anymore
For he was dead upon the floor
I say that every thing's alright
But inside there is a fight
A fight that never ceases
A fight that has no reason
I look into these eyes of mine
But I see nothing
Just a waste of time
Some see beauty
I see disgrace
Some see elegance
I see a waste
For I am not the perfect one
I am not the pretty one
I am just the only one
Who wastes her time on everyone
And leaves herself shattered
Broken and tattered
Heart barely beating
But I'm just the girl
Who does everything wrong
Who wants happiness for all
But dies inside
As I look into the eyes
Of those that I hurt
It just isn't worth
Any of this shit
But what can I do
It's a fight I can't win
I'll probably just give up in the end
I'll be a failure
While they all succeed
I'll be begging for money
I'll be down on my knees
While they stand so tall
And they laugh in my face
They were right
I'm just a beautiful disgrace
If there ever was a girl
That a boy began to like
He would tease her
And even make her fight
But he really really liked her
And wanted to give her kiss
But instead he told her
He'd rather kiss a fish
Deep inside she liked him too
But no one ever knew
One day he got down on his knees
And hoped she'd say I love you too
He picked her up and kissed her lips
Then gave her a tight squeeze
Whoever said that kids were too young
Was just mad because he couldn't love
There's this girl
Who loves to play outside
Who loves the bright sunshine
Who loves the wind blowing through her hair
Who has never felt the feeling of despair
There's this girl
Who is so depressed
Who is white as snow
Insecure about life
Obsessed with death
There's this girl
Who is so random
Who loves this boy
Who loves her back
Who thinks her life is in tact
What's funny is
They're one and the same
They all have the same name
Same body, same game
There's just something wrong...
She gazed across the fields, feeling the glow of the moon against her pale skin. People were beginning to wonder about her. She looked horrible. Her eyes were bloodshot and had dark bags beneath them from staring at the glow of the computer screen throughout most of her hours, her skin was pale from lack of sunlight, you could see every bone in her body through clothing and flesh...but no one saw the cuts she bore on both arms and legs.
There was paper scattered everywhere. Letters with only a single line, poems that turned out wrong. Her guitar lay on her bed propped on a pillow, a black notebook was open beside it. There were things of all sorts in that book. Sketches, lyrics, feelings, thoughts. No one would ever read that book. Not even him. The guy the whole book seemed to revolve around. The title...Love vs. Obsession. Back to her...
The wind began to whip her skirt furiously about in the night. It felt wonderful. "If only every night was like this." she whispered. Then the first raindrop fell. The droplet slid down the back of her neck giving her chills. She closed her eyes feeling the rain soak through her skin, chilling her down to the bone.
Dripping wet, she glided across the floor, making no sound. She began shedding her clothes as she twisted the knobs on the bath tub. When the water was hot enough to scald her, she slipped into the tub, drifting off into an unknown place. When she awoke, the water was icy cold. "So much for a refreshing soak in the tub." she thought to herself. It was 3:00 A.M. when she drained the tub and turned on the hot shower, hoping the stinging beads of water would wake her.
She took her lavender shampoo from the rack and squirted a small amount into her hands, massaging it into her hair. "He used to tell you how much he loved how you smelled..." a small voice said. She squinted from the pain of remembering his voice saying such sweet things to her.
She repeated the exercise of washing her hair with the matching lavender conditioner, it always made her hair so soft. After cleansing her body she places her small wet feet onto the tile floor, wrapping a towel around her. The mirror was fogged up from the steamy shower, not like she wanted to look at herself anyway...
She walked lazily across the wooden boards of the floor in her unfinished room over to her dresser grabbing a pair of hot pink panties and a t-shirt. She slipped into them and fell onto her bed. It was 3:30 A.M. now. She lay there staring up at the blood red ceiling waiting for something. And then the phone rang. She saw the familiar number and answered.
It was him, her love obsession. He knew that she still loved him, but did he love her was the question. She knew he'd thought about it. He told her he had wondered about it himself. He never told her if he figured out the answer. When she answered the phone, her tone said it all. She was happy to speak with him. He made her happier than anyone ever could, I guess he just didn't know that.
They had their many conversations about things that didn't matter. They also had the ones about them. Just the two of them and how they would end up. Would they be friends or more...could it be again? When he told her how much he missed her and how he longed to have her in his arms, it reminded her of something he had said oh so long ago...
"No matter what, I'll always long for your touch, your kiss, your voice, your scent - you are the only girl I'll ever want that I can't have again."
If only he meant those words now...everything he ever says to her leads her on, He gives her pet names tells her he misses her and how he wishes he could see her face. He tells her how beautiful she is...but why? All just as a game? Is it funny? What is it?
When she hung up the phone that night, she buried her face in her pillow and cried. It was 5:00 A.M. by the time she had finally cried herself to sleep...perfect timing. At 6 her mother would be awake to check on her, it was better that she see her asleep than on the phone, crying, or writing poetry.
The next day, at 6:00 P.M., she crawled from under the velvety covers of her bed and turned on the stereo. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a Popsicle and a bottle of cream soda. She opened the Popsicle and set it down on the counter and walked over to the liquor cabinet. She reached for the bottle of tequila and took a swig, then poured a bit into her drink.
When she walked back into her room she set down the bottle and the half- eaten Popsicle and reached for a blade. There were several hidden around the room. There was a knife in her laundry basket and safety pins everywhere. The blade of the knife glinted in the little light that was in her room. She closed her eyes, relaxing herself and sliced at her arm. She cut her wrist first and then moved up her arm towards her bicep, carving into it.
She began to bleed. How much blood she lost, she didn't care. It was a release of everything she felt and everything she couldn't feel. She slipped the blade back into it's place after finishing the deed. She pulled on a long sleeved shirt, odd for summer don't you think.
The remote was on the floor buried under scrap pages. The girl rummaged through them until she found it and turned on the television pushing the "video" button so that it went straight to the play station screen. She picked up the controller and began to play Shadow Hearts. There was a level she couldn't pass that was beginning to annoy her...
When she had finally given up on the game, she flipped through the pages in her book and began to read the final chapter. Maybe the phone would interrupt her. Maybe it would be that familiar voice, that familiar number, that familiar teasing, loving tone...maybe it would be the boy she loved...maybe it would be the boy that loved her back.
A single thought destroys a day.
A single tear destroys a face.
A single cut destroys a wrist.
A single love destroys their fate.
A single heart destroys a love.
A little guilt makes it hurt more than ever.
Let's cut away the feelings
Let's forget about our fears
Let's try not to think about it
Tomorrow as I lay in bed
Thoughts swimming through my head
Dreaming of the day
When I can run and leave this place
Hide among the other girls
The frilly ones that wear the pearls
Everyone will notice me
In all my absent glory
In this never ending story
Everyone will notice all my flaws
All the scratches on the silver
All the rapids in the river
There's this one and only guy
That I wish I could find
Stop putting myself down
Turn my entire world around
But I know I'll never find him
It's a complicated search
So I'll hide among the other girls
The frilly ones that wear the pearls
The girls that choose to hate me
Those girls that they all love
Take back those words that didn't rhyme
Take back those words that said I was a waste of time
Take back the love you gave me
Take back everything that saved me
Take back the time we spent together
Take back the jokes about the weather
Take back the heart that didn't love me
Take back the knife that scarred me
Take back the love we shared
Take back the relationship we've had
Take back everything
Take it all away
Leave me all alone
Let me dwell in my misery
She makes mistakes
She follows through
She never lies,
Especially to you
She loves you with all of her heart
The things that've happened tear her apart
Shh...
Don't even whisper those little remarks
Don't tell her she's beautiful
It breaks her heart
Pretend you never saw those cuts on her wrist
Pretend it's un-forbidden and give her a kiss
If the skies were falling
With all of their stars
She'd wait forever,
She'd bear the scars
From all those tiny falling things
The painted sky
With light that stings
She'd wait for you forever
Yes, she'd wait
No matter what the cost
No matter if it's pouring rain
Or if the ground is cold and covered in frost
She'll sit there in the freezing cold
Remember you and what you told
And close her eyes, whisper your name
And wait for you, just one more day
That lonesome stare
Her cold embrace
Her pale skin
Her hollowed face
It's all just her appearance
But for some reason, they all fear it
It's all just her appearance
My darling, do you fear it?
They've never seen her bleeding wrist
They've heard the rumors,
But alas! they've never seen
She hides them well beneath her sleeves
It's all just her appearance
But for some reason, they all fear it
It's all just her appearance
My darling, do you fear it?
Look at her pale complexion
Her blank expression
She's fighting the depression
The stereotype that kills
She graced into the room
Blue gown following behind her
Heels clicking against the floor
He sees her from across the room
He sees her beauty
Her glow, her charm
This girl that he knew
From so long ago
He hasn't seen her in forever
This girl, she seems so different
From the timid little love
She's grown so much
Her hair so long
Her skin so pale
So elegant, he's missed her
He invited her here
Hasn't seen her in years
But this he never expected
She graced through the room
And over to him,
He just looked at her in awe
She gave him a kiss
So gentle on his lips
Then they danced for it seemed like hours
When her time was up
She gave him a hug
And he asked when he'd see her again
She gave him a kiss
And he was in bliss
Then his lover was gone again
She's trapped inside that little box
Full of fuzzy bunnies and candy hearts
That box full of happiness and hope
Locked up so tight you could choke
But what's it like out there
What's it like to breath
What's it like to be unhappy
What's it like to love despair
She's trapped inside that little box
The cage of pumping blood and beats
Filled with love and smiles
So much happiness to drown you for a while
But what's it like out there
What's it like to breathe
What's it like to be unhappy
What's it like to love despair
She's trapped inside that little box
Blood stops pumping, beating stopped
Happiness leaks out
She's no longer trapped inside
What's it like to love despair
Now you know, my heart so dear
Sometimes I pace the floors at night
Gripping my stomach, holding so tight
Staring at the empty walls
Wondering about the great downfall
The great downfall is oh so strange
It's about a girl with a mental change
She was happy one day, then she met him
That boy with the eyes, the boy was grim
That boy was in love, it was love at first sight
She didn't know it was true, she started the fights
That boy and his love for her
That boy who destroyed her future
I paced the floor that fateful night
Eyes darting round, filled with fright
I felt upon that bare wall
Felt the white cloth, felt the fall
I'm trapped inside this great white room
I hear my heart, it's beats they boom
I love this small corner, it so sweet and sincere
The wall of the heart I lost I fear
These walls are familiar, with their smooth white cloth
Padded for my protection, oh how they mock
It's nothing I tell them, I'm in love with the night
Explain to my why it's such a fright
Tell me now and tell me true
My darling, did I fall for you
I'm trapped inside these mocking walls
Oh, my sweet, when did I fall
I've fallen from my pedistool
Drowning in the blood you've spilled
My darling, it seems it's me you rule
Can't you see you're perfect?
Can't you see you're perfect?
Blinded in your sweet embrace
Holding you seems to be my place
My sweet friend, I love you dearly
Can't you see you're perfect?
Can't you see you're perfect?
So wonderful you are to me
Please don't leave me be
Precious child of lust, I need you
Can't you see you're perfect?
Can't you see you're perfect?
Chasing down this winding road
Through the fields where clover grows
Wondrous stranger, stay alive
Can't you see you're perfect?
Can't you see you're perfect?
Hold my hand, please don't let go
No no, don't let go.
Loveless of my kind, I am here now
Can't you see you're perfect?
Can't you see you're perfect?
My darkened friend for life
Stay with me, no matter what the price
Hold on to me, no matter the strife
To me you are perfect
To me you are perfect
He holds me close like no other
Sometimes he's like an older brother
But that's something he could never be
That boy so precious to me
His words flow sweetly in my ears
Whispers washing away my fears
Staring at the open skies
Dreaming together as life goes by
He teaches me what I don't know
Taking me places I dare not go
Calling me late at night,
Making me hate him making me fight
He needs me like I need him so
Letting troubles and feelings go
Together we are at peace
Changing for better and for worse
We are together, he and I
No matter how far the distance lies
So sweetly challenged we are
Whispering and gazing into the stars
Together we are alone
Speaking softly on the phone
Sometimes we don't speak for some time
We never see each others eyes as life goes by
Boy that I love so sweet and true
You and I, together, through and through
No matter what happens, I'll always be here
Friend of mine, let's share our fears
I feel I'm sick and need to hide
These feelings chasing me, subside
No other person shall follow me there
The grave of my soul, I'll stay un-dead
This worlds imprisoning me
Blinding me so I can't see
"Let me go!" I shout to the great one above
"Stop making them so close to me, I don't want to love"
I cry out to someone who hears me
He thinks it's just a silly game
Boy, when I'm gone you'll miss me
I won't come back again
My voice is drowning
My smile is frowning
My thoughts are ceasing
You cannot keep me
Twisted lies of forgotten hope
Climb them like you could a rope
Those little knots for footholds
Show those times of happiness
Those spots that come unraveled
Are the placed where she cried
The places appearing new,
Are the places where she smiled
So climb it, climb this knotted rope
Climb until you reach the end
Reach it, and you'll choke
I think we should just give up
I think you shouldn't give a fuck
I think that I should disappear
My precious, don't fear
For I am here
As invisible as i am to you
I hope the things you said were true
Otherwise my search would be in vain
Otherwise my heart would dwell in pain
Tell me you love me
Tell me you love me
Whisper the sweet chants in my ear
Tell me you love me
Tell me you love me
They don't have to hear
I wish I may I wish I might
Wish upon this star tonight
Precious, don't you love me?
Tell me you'll save me
Tell me you'll save me
Tease my lips, caress my hips
Tell me you'll save me
Tell me you'll save me
Have you ever thought I need you?
I need the affection
Fix my corrections
Do you really think it's worth it,
To try this all again
To ask him if he loves me
Or if I'm just a friend
I can't help but to wonder
What it would be like
To try this all again
Forget our past strifes
I'd remember what it's like
To lie there in your arms
We could lie there together
Gazing into the stars
Maybe what I say
Is all just too good to be true
But maybe some day
You'll say I love you too
I have said it before
And I will say it again
My precious, I'm afraid
Of what love really is
I trust you, I do
With all of my heart
Please, don't let me tear you apart
I always want to see
That gentle smile
I want to be the girl
That brightens your world
I want to be the reason that you laugh
I know I'll become a thing of the past
Let's just live for today
Forget tomorrow
I lie awake, in bed, at night
Dreaming, thinking of this mental fight
All me feelings come tumbling through
This wall that I have built for you
I've hidden my deepest secrets here
The ones of horrid things and fear
But I don't think I'm good enough
I'll never be good enough for you
I'll never be perfect
I'll never make you smile
I can't even make you happy
I can only bring you down
I am just a worthless pile of flaws
A little girl that claws and claws
Trying her best to escape these flaws
But she's trapped inside this animal
She's trapped...
Awake at night, she never sleeps
The thoughts of regret, she always keeps
Once was young, now is old
Stories of her life untold
Life doesn't wait, child, there's no escape
You can't change fate
You see that girl, that broken girl?
She shattered her own world
Thoughts of his broken heart
Torture her, tear her apart
Words of sorrow escape the lips
Loving touches escape her fingertips
Life doesn't wait, child, there's no escape
You can't change fate
You see that girl, that broken girl?
She shattered her own world
There's no escape
There's no escape
There's no escape
There's no escaping fate
My poetry is all the same
Stories are becoming lame
Artistic flow is getting less
My photographs are a mess
It's time for the nervous breakdown
It's time to run away from this town
Life is depreciating
My heart is aching
Regrets are taking over
Make them forget
Make me forget
Just found out today
Never thought it'd get in the way
You've been tried before
Never thought they'd come to your door
I miss the guy I used to know
This older brother, just for show
I thought you were the greatest
Now I miss that smiling face
You've grown pale
You've lost some weight
Haven't seen you
Since that date
I miss the guy I used to know
This older brother, just for show
I thought you were the greatest
Now I miss that smiling face
I miss you brother.
If only you'd forgive her
If only you'd let her speak
If only you'd heard the cries
If only you'd seen what she's seen
She tries and tries
Soul slowly dies
With each look you don't give
Each word you forget
If only you could know truth
If only you could feel her heart
If only you knew why
If only her truth was told
She lies and lies
It's her mind she despises
With each look that she gives you
Each pain that she gave
If only she hadn't hurt you
If only she hadn't lied
If only you didn't hate her
If only she was your prize
Eyes of changing glass
Behind, lies the past
Forget what you knew
She might still love you
The tears gracefully fall
He's been through it all
The love, the hate
The unsettling pain
His heart's everlasting
All this time is passing
Why can't he go back
Make her see what they had
He was there through it all
He picks her up when she falls
Why'd it all have to change
Why couldn't it stay the same
She's beaten, she's broken
Her heart has not spoken
But that boy, he's confusing
It's somewhat amusing
Was it like, was it love?
It was sent from above
It was real, it existed
They both truly miss it
Some days go by
When she can't help but cry
His ring in her hand
Love stealing her again
Loving that look
Those glorious eyes
Crying out for her heart
Her change, her life
A cry is heard throughout the land
No one offers a gentle hand
The dark consumes this helpless cry
Screaming to no one but the sky
A simple plea that no one hears
From the child all should fear
For no one helps this bundle of wonder
Soon the sky shall fill with thunder
Blinded by this self-less light?
The child doesn't even fight
The world is slowly ending
while all life is pending
So this child that no one saw
made them all stare in aw
Now they see the precious angel
Death, destruction, that's their price.
Wishing for perfection
Perfection that isn't real
Perfection of the body
Perfection I can't feel
If everyone around me
Could see feel just how I feel
If everyone around me
Could see the pain is real
It's real
I feel
I feel
I feel
Perfection is so far away
What am I?
A toy to be played?
Perfection is so far away
But it's real
I feel it's so real
Thoughts are crashing
Bones are weak
Life is flashing
The end I seek
The muscles ache
Time goes to waste
Pain is not fake
My skin turns to paste
Illness of heart
There's a sickening feeling that fills up my gut
Making me twitch with anger, stare with envy
But I couldn't be jealous. No, no! Not I!
I'm simply ill with the flu, but you, I despise!
You're going to steal him, you can't do that to me
Not ever again, from my side, will he leave
He'll never replace me, irreplaceable
Or would he?
So he says that he wants me for life
Why should I be there when I'm nothing
He'll forget that I'm there with the site of that face
I'll be lost forever, she'll take my place
Am I no longer the best?
Am I no longer the most beautiful?
Am I no longer the most loved?
Am I no longer the one?
These questions, they destroy me
They tear me to bits
I'm so lost and lonely
Let her take my place
Jealous!
Not I!
It could not be true
If I was jealous
It'd mean I'm not over you
But I am!
Don't listen to it
It's all a lie
What am I saying?
It's not a lie
I'm through with you
Stop telling him that!
I'm talking to myself again
Come back my friend
Do I scare you?
Am I strange?
Do you think I'm crazy?
Like the rest?
I know you do
You always have
I'm not perfect
I'm not the angel you want
She's going to take my place
No matter what
I'll never be the girl by your side
Never
Never
Never
I hate how you talk about all of the other girls
You tell me how they're beautiful
I can't help but hurt!
You've stopped telling me things I want to hear
Remember how you used to whisper in my ear?
What happened to those days?
Now I'm in this jealous haze
Get me out of here
Let me free
Let me be the girl you want from me
But no, I'll never be her
I'll always be me
The one that they hate
The one they call crazy
You know, the psycho?
Yeah, that's me.
I'm not the one.
So what, I was jealous
But not anymore
For now, I am gone
Silence fills my empty heart
Broken from the very start
What I said was true
I knew that I would hurt you
But I didn't know so soon
Maybe friendship isn't doomed
It would've happened in the end
I'm not one to depend
Move on? We must sometimes
Although breaking hearts is the biggest crime
It happens through and through
Love sometimes ends, yes, it's true
But I loved you
Remember that it was true
Remember that I saved you
From the blood pouring through
Maybe I won't be the reason that you bled
For If I am, I'll tell you when it's getting to my head
But we can't just keep going
Let's pick up. move on with time
Still friends forever, dahling
Don't let it creep into your mind
I'm an easy loving person
You are too, I must confess
I've never had a love like yours
I put it to the test
What's done is done
It's over now, I'm sorry that it's true
But you and I, we weren't the ones
There's someone better for you
I know you won't believe it
You'll just say I'm full of shit
But inside you know I'm right,
Because you know I always am
I make mistakes that tear you apart
I've ripped it out and crushed your heart
How do you think it makes me feel?
Seeing the blood that you always spill
I've let the blade sink deeper than before
I've fallen, beaten and bloodied, upon the floor
What did you expect?
Did you think I would forget?
Did you think I'd let you die
A silent suicide?
Not for a moment would I let your breath cease
It doesn't matter what is real
All that matters is that you feel
No bleeding on the floor at night
No hiding from the day's light
Just get up
Move on
Forget I exist
Don't live for me
Live for you
Live for something other than this
Sometimes I lose my breath
I get choked up
I know that you are giving up
Live without fear
Without pain
Without tears
Leave the past behind
Let your life shine
I've bled a couple times for you
How much longer can I deny the truth?
I'm killing you!
I know it's real
I feel the pain that you feel
I can't describe it in better words
Death, pain, love, hurt?
Aren't they all the same?
It seems they are
Am I the one to blame?
Making words collide in such a way?
Yes
It's like the sharpened blade
The metal colliding with my skin
Sinking, slowly, deeper in
Blood mixing with the air
It feels like I'm barely there
But I can feel it
I know it's real
The pain that you like to feel
This pain that I relish in
I thought I was finished
Until I began
Those sharp blades of comfort
Bringing me home
Making me bleed straight to the bone
I won't show you scars
Or a blood stained wrist
I'll cover them up,
Keep you in bliss
Close your eyes
Give me a kiss
Those simple scars you'll never miss
Afraid to hurt you
Afraid to see
Everything that I can be
Afraid to love you
Afraid to hurt
Just like I did when he was here
Afraid to tell you
Afraid of words
The ones that slip between the lips of her
Afraid of time
Afraid of life
My heartbeat scares me half to death
I'm writing to the death of me
The death that no one will ever see
The death beneath my skin
The death that hides within
The death beneath these tiny scars
The death behind the burning bars
I'm writing to tell you my truth
The truth of who I am
The truth of what I see
The truth that people lie about
The truth within me
The truth that I can no longer hide
The truth that everyone chooses to despise
I'm writing to give you my heart
The heart that keeps on breaking
The heart that falls apart
The heart that keeps on lying
The heart that keeps on dieing
The heart that cries for you
The heart that dies for you
I'm writing to hide from you
To hide from love that isn't real
To hide from pain that I can't feel
To hide from secrets in my head
To hide from those that are dead
To hide from all my memories
To hide from every single thing
Murderer!
He screamed at me
Through all the blood
I could not see
Murderer?
That's all I am
The one who kills the broken
Beaten and damned
Murderer.
A simple word of death
I've been called it often
From their very last breath
Walk alone across the floor
Trail of blood, prints on the door
Silence from the dark beyond her
Afraid to step any farther
Who hides behind the curtain?
Just the girl who was uncertain
Palace high above her head
Then she realized she was dead
Looking down upon her body
Scars on flesh, so bloody
It's not the time to hide them now
Forget it all, but how?
She slits her wrists to bleed like him
To show him that she knows about them
Hiding from the peering eyes, she tries
Everything will be alright, more lies
You know it won't be in the end
Everything is just pretend
She shivers to the bone
The blade is cold, her reflection shone
Her eyes turn to the blackest black
To show the sleep she lacks
She won't be fine in the end
Everything is just pretend
Don't fall in love with me
I'm the murderer, no longer the murderee
Let go of this heart of mine
I'm telling you, I'll be fine
I won't be fine in the end
That's the one thing that isn't pretend
Behind these hollow eyes I hide
Everything should be alright
Except for you, you won't be, will you?
I finished you, I know it's true
Sometimes it's like I slit your wrists
Just like a child, I beat my fists
In agony from all this pain
Should I try to refrain?
No, there is no purpose
Should I die for this?
Do you think he'd miss me
When I'm gone?
Just like you miss me from the beyond
Who knows
Love, in so many ways it hurts
Is it just words that people blurt
Spontaneously?
It's hard to make up my mind
This is the hardest compromise
I'll disappear for you
If that will show what I've done is true
I know you hate
I'm the murderer of you
What am I supposed to do?
It's in my nature, can't you see
This is how I will always be
I don't know what the impulse is
That says, "My heart's broken, why not his?"
I fucked up bad
I always do
You won't believe that I loved you
Sympathy, you don't deserve
Empathy, that's what you yearn
I'm just the girl that killed you
That's all I'll ever be
I'm just the girl that killed you
I'll disappear, it's easy
Worthless
Nothing more than mistakes
Despicable
Happiness I always break
Meaningless
Does it matter if I cry?
Useless
I'll disappear, I'll die
Empty
Nothing left inside
Pointless
Nothing more to hide
Bogus
Just a girl that you despise
Miserable
The girl that never tries
Cheap
Not worth looking at, nor seeing
Barren
Hardly here, barely being
Futile
The biggest mistake you'll ever make
Nugatory
Only thing I'll ever be is fake
Contemptible
A child trapped inside
Trivial
No rules with to abide
Unusable
Misery wasting in my skin
Wretched
I bleed from deep within
Mediocre
I'll run away again
Abandoned
Destined to be alone, no friends
No-account
Waiting here forever
Trifling
No one is coming, never
Unessential
I'm not worth your time
Trashy
Nowhere near sublime
Abject
Unfold the pain of heart
Unimportant
I'll break you from the start
Valueless
Pit of darkness in your wake
Paltry
Depression I'll make
Counterproductive
I'll make you bleed for me
No-good
I love it, you will see
Sterile
A blade that stabs you
Base
Make your heart stop too
Waste
Forget me, I'll be gone with the sun
Cultus
I'm not the perfect one
Unproductive
Just another lie
Profitless
Hopefully I'll soon die
Poor
Unlike the other girls
Unprofitable
You know, those girls that wear the pearls
Nothing—me
Isn't it funny how tears come crashing around
How the moment you think you're moving up, you're falling down
How everything inside your head seems perfect
Then a few moments later you're wishing you were dead
Isn't it funny how you think you've changed
Then one thing happens, you become deranged
Everything is fate,
A story book you can't change
I want to rip my heart out
So I don't have to feel
I want to rip my heart out
Break the devil's deal
I want to rip my heart out
Erase you from my mind
I want to rip my heart out
Leave memories of you behind
I want to rip my heart out
I want to crush it on the floor
I want to rip my heart out
Nail it beating to the door
I want to rip my heart out
Mail it to you in a sack
I want to rip my heart out
I hope you never send it back
I want to rip my heart out
That way I don't ever have to cry
I want to rip my heart out
If I did, would I die?
I want to rip my heart out
Keep you far away as I can
I want to rip my heart out
Bury it far beneath this land
I want to rip my heart out
Set it on fire, let it burn
I want to rip my heart out
For that single thing I yearn
I want to rip my heart out
Let you see just what you've done
I want to rip my heart out
Show you that life has just begun
I want to rip my heart out
Just to show you that I'm real
I want to rip my heart out
Maybe then it you can feel
I want to rip my heart out
Hide it beneath the wooden boards
I want to rip my heart out
Keep it alive, let me soar
I want to rip my heart out
Maybe then you'll know the truth
I want to rip my heart out
Then you might see that I loved you
I'm crying as I sit here
Writing poetry to no end
Lying to the world
Hiding scars from every friend
I'm hiding them to keep you
In this perfect little box
With all the pretty bows on top
But a ribbon can't keep you
Locked up for long
I'll see the cuts on you
And I'll run
I'll run away
It's all my fault
It always is
The reason they all bleed
The reason they all cry
The reason they don't see
I'm killing me
Tonight could be the night
It wouldn't stop you
But it could end my fight
Do you know this is about you?
Do you know that I can hardly breathe?
Do you see me looking at you,
Through this glass screen?
Can you feel my eyes staring?
No, no.
It's all my fault.
You'll see me tomorrow
And I'll run
I'll run away
To never return
Maybe that will keep you safe
All alone inside my mind
Those thoughts, I cannot leave behind
Though everything is perfect,
I feel I don't deserve it
Is it all going to fall through?
Are you going leave, will I lose you?
It can't be real
For once I feel
I love the way you look at me
I'm not invisible, me you can see
I feel uncomfortable in my skin
These demons are dwelling within
But I feel I'm all alone
But you're here
Why can't I see you?
Why?
Why?
I'm trying to change for you
But I'm not sure that I can
I love you more than anything
But I can't escape the way I used to be
The way that I still am
I'm nothing more than flaws
A pile of mistakes that have no worth
And you still love me
And you see me when I'm invisible
You care when you see my bloodied wrists
And you care when I'm feeling blue
But I can't escape the past I lived
But I want to be happy
I want to be happy
I want to get rid of these thoughts in my head
Why can't they erase
Why can't I be me
Why can't I become visible again
I need you to make me see the good in me
Everything would be okay
If I could have you for a day
I'd walk on the path, I wouldn't stray
This thread of life would no longer fray
I carry on, I walk this line
I paint my face to show I'm fine
I lie awake at night wishing you were mine
Dreaming, dreaming, dreaming…
There are hundreds of poems about you
Songs that constantly remind me of you
Tears that fall because of you
Cuts that bleed because of you
I've traveled from the depths of time
Through ocean's blue and land sublime
Through the toils and beauty of life
Through the mysterious and endless strife
At the time of creation, I was unwanted
My entire life I've been taunted
With these selfish lies for redemption!
All he did was succumb to temptation
Thrown upon the table, the bills
To banish me from life's thrills
All the tears and contemplation
Never mind Abortion's denotation
I stare down at the razor blade
Content in my mission
Hoping I'll soon fade
Do they hear my silent cry?
Does anyone care?
Are they watching me die?
I'll make promises that I'll try to keep
I doubt I can do it
My love is cheap
My heart is on my sleeve again
I'm bleeding on the floor
Please don't come in
I'm dying on the inside
There's nothing I can do to stop myself
I can't stay away, I can't hide
The wind whipping through my hair,
Telling me I'm almost there
Just keep running, don't look back
My stomach is growling, my feet are tired
My body's aching, my mind is wired
Just keep running, don't look back
The journey never ends
The road has many bends
Just keep running, don't look back
My heart is longing for your familiar touch
But I must keep on though this journey is too much
Just keep running, don't look back
My heart has started braking
My mind is slowly flaking
Just keep running, don't look back
My time is running out
I want to scream and shout
I'm finished running, I'm looking back
I've turned around to come back home
Remembering I left you all alone
I reached the past and realized you were gone
All because I ran away
Left you in the past to stay
You needn't linger,
So you ran away…
I stayed up late tonight
Hoping you would call
Something wasn't right
I wanted to end it all
I flipped through the pages
Of what was once my life
Seeing the emotional stages
Brought back to me my strives
I sat there and I wondered
If the night would ever end
I closed my eyes and pondered
About the time that we could spend
I rested on my pillow
And I held my teddy tight
I tried to dream of willows
On a cold and windy night
Peaceful thoughts could make me sleep
My eyes would not stop seeing
Although closed, they yearned to creep
I looked upon my ceiling, hating being
Here of all places
Tied down inside this hell
Looking upon all the faces
Hiding inside me shell
I'll stay until the waiting is done
I stand below these people
Listening to all their words
Hoping for something new
I was hoping to remember
All the dreams I used to have
But I can't remember the few
I sit here for days on end
Watching the cursor blink
How lonely is this empty screen?
I closed my eyes and pondered
Why my heart began to sink
Then I noticed that I let go of everything
I played with love and burned it
Felt sorry for those who didn't deserve it
And forgot that I had dreams of my own
I try so hard to do things right
But they always seem to end in a fight
When all my knots come untied
And he thinks that I lied
I don't know what to say
I know it shouldn't be this way
But is there something that I can do
To make him realize that what I say is true
He pulls me one way while she pulls me another
My hearts breaking up inside me
All these things I thought could never be
They are real to only us
But now our blunders make us fuss
What has happened to us these days
Our thoughts are lost in a twisting maze
But we weren't meant to be
Not everyone can see
I love you with all my heart
Nothing will ever tear us apart
As long as you don't let it
As I sit here by my lonesome
I swim through my thoughts
Most of them are gruesome
Glistening teardrops
Glistening tear
Glistening
Words prancing through my head
All of them are worth rhyming
But I can only rhyme with dead
Glistening teardrops
Glistening tear
Glistening
Tears falling down my face
All my thoughts trying to escape
For my heart does not have the space
Glistening teardrops
Glistening tear
Glistening
Glistening teardrops
Glistening tear
Glistening
I want to lock myself inside my room
To cry away my stupid tears
To fly away to younger years
When I couldn't understand
That life is just a crappy hand
Of playing cards
I want to lock myself inside my mind
To spend a little time
To look upon my prime
When I couldn't understand
That life is just a crappy hand
Of playing cards
I want to lock myself inside my heart
To look at you and me
To look at what we can be
Because we understand
That life is just a crappy hand
Of playing cards
Sometimes I lay awake at night
And wonder how I did it
What did I do right?
I’ve got you and you’ve got me
My heart is yours
You set me free
Sometimes I lay awake at night
And shed the tears that I try to hide
When did I give up the fight?
I lost my friends and some of my life
But I gained your love
You took away my strife
Sometimes I lay awake at night
And think about the future
Why can’t things be right?
Growing up is hard to do
But I’ve got you and you’ve got me
We set each other free
A portrait on the mantle, above the burning flames
A portrait of a girl, that no one understands
A portrait that doesn’t mean a thing to anyone but me
This portrait speaks to me and tells me what I feel
But I can’t understand why she looks at me in anguish
Her face is brushed with tears, her placid skin is cold
I stared at her one evening and then she came to life
She told of her feelings, told me of her strife
I listened to her story, I heard her cry for help
She showed me scars, scars that tell stories, scars that have motive
I’d never seen such a thing as this, it startled me, it did
She told me how she loathed herself and wished for understanding
She told me how she hid her heart, away from every beating human heart
No one would understand her story; no one would understand that she was dying
If things had gone the way she planned, maybe life wouldn’t be so bad
She had the world; she held it in her hands many a night
He loved her with all his heart as she loved him
But she couldn’t look herself in the eyes at times
She couldn’t bear the look of hate in her eyes
Her skin so pale, her lips so red, her eyes like glass
She couldn’t stand the look of what she saw
She wasn’t frightened, she wasn’t angry; she was dead in her mind
Nothing changed her hatred or her charm
She charmed his heart and hatred filled her own
If only dreams and fantasies were real
She was handed her fantasy, her world…
But no one let her live it
There are many thoughts inside my head
Thoughts of love, lust, and death
I’ve tried to rid my mind of them
They keep coming back to the sheath
Things I’d like to say
To you, only you
My obsessions aren’t too nice
You’ve told me this once or twice
I like to see the blood I bleed
I like to know I’m real
I love you with all my soul
There’s nothing I can say was true
Not anything in this world but you
Your heart beat washes away the holes
Things I’d like to say
To you, only you
My obsessions aren’t too nice
You’ve told me once or twice
I like to see the blood I bleed
I like to know I’m real
The wings that angels are given
Are white as those of doves
My wings are broken and black
I’m alone, but with you, I am driven
Things I’d like to say
To you, only you
My obsessions aren’t too nice
You’ve told me once or twice
I like to see the blood I bleed
I like to know I’m real
I am real to you
I can feel you
I can see you
I can love you
I can smell you
I can taste you
I can hold you
I can love you
I can have you
I can hear you
I can keep you
I can love you
Things I’d like to say
To you, only you
I’ve never loved a soul
As much as I love you
You make my body whole
I need you, only you
Every single move
Every single touch
Every single nerve
I can feel you
Beautiful s e x
You’re lovely eyes are mine
You are perfect to me
To taste your lips, I’m first in line
You are perfect to me, only me
Every single move
Every single touch
Every single nerve
I can feel you
Beautiful s e x
I share these moments with you
I love you, only you
I share my body with you
I need you, only you
Hello, my thunder
My lightening
My darkness
My rain
What makes you boom?
What makes you light?
What makes you hide?
What makes you fall?
Tell me of your sound
Show me your color
Show me your hue
Show me your feeling
My thunder
My lightening
My darkness
My rain
Life, a flash before my eyes
But that’s alright, I’m fine
I’m just wishing I were dead
I’m sick, ill in the head
Love, a mystery no doubt
Leaves me all alone to pout
I’m just wishing I were dead
I’m sick, ill in the head
Truth, no one knows the meaning
It’s just like simply dreaming
I’m just wishing I were dead
I’m sick, ill in the head
Disgust, that word taunts me
I know it well, I am that, you see
I’m just wishing I were dead
I’m sick, ill in the head
Blatant disregard for the words that keep me down
They keep my from the edge, watch me drown
I’m just wishing I were dead
I’m sick, ill in the head
I wish I was dead.
Tomorrow's like the day before
Like monotonous waves lap upon the shore
So much for what used to be
I thought this path would set me free
Thoughts of what used to be my life
Distract me from my newborn strife
So much can mean so little
Look so strong but can be so brittle
Tomorrow's like the day before
Like monotonous waves lap upon the shore
So much for what used to be
I thought this path would set me free
People come and people go
Learning friends are just for show
When did we discover truth would hurt
Just as bad as the words we spurt
Tomorrow's like the day before
Like monotonous waves lap upon the shore
So much for what used to be
I thought this path would set me free
So much for what...
used to be...
I thought this path...
would set me free...
Don't let me end it all this way
I shouldn't make you pay
For my stupid feelings
Don't make me love you
When you don't love me too
You never had the nerve to tell the truth
Don't say you're sorry if you can't tell me why
That just gives me another reason to cry
I'm a bitter, bitter girl
Don't make me remember you
When I'm starting to forget what you do
You're dead to me
Don't look at me with your golden eyes
You have no clue how I despise
You...
So
Just
Don't.
This day of yours has come and gone
This night of yours is lingering on
The storm that blows outside these walls
Won't let you sleep at all
Just listen to me
Listen to my voice
Just listen to me
Listen to my voice
I look at you
To keep you safe
Inside my heart
Inside my gaze
The day is resting so should you
The night is restless through and through
The heart that beats so close
Is the one you love the most
Just listen to me
Listen to my voice
Just listen to me
Listen to my voice
I look at you
To keep you safe
Inside my heart
Inside my gaze
I'm just a tragic misconception
My heart is like a bad infection
You're all I'll ever need
My heart just needs to bleed
A little bit longer
A little bit stronger
Let me go
Let me die
Through my eyes you see your pain
The uncommon pulsing vein
I'm all you'll ever need
Your heart just needs to bleed
A little bit longer
A little bit stronger
Let me go
Let me die
I don't make sense
I hide behind a stupid fence
I'm guarded against your lies
I'm only human
"Bleed for me" he whispered
His lips warm against my skin
I'll always know he prefers her
Right now I'm just living again
"Keep on flowing" I whispered
I breathed into his ear
He knows I want to be her
I'm just letting go of fear
I'm long gone, baby
Oh, I'm dead to your touch
I'm long gone, baby
Your lies were too much
"The stars glow on your skin"
He said softly to my heart
"You're like a delicious sin"
He's tearing me apart
His skin smells sweet, he's lovely
He's mine, he's mine
Pressed against my body, trusty
Don't worry I'll be fine
I'm long gone, baby
Oh, I'm dead to your touch
I'm long gone, baby
Your lies were way too much
I'm a little
insecure
When it comes
To you and I.
Like a small
abandoned
Child in a crowd.
I'm a waste.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
So I'm here
waiting
Though I know
It's useless.
You're too busy
And I am
alone.
I'm a waste.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
I need you.
You're my
everything.
But I'm a
waste.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
I'm helpless and I'm wasting time
With petty thoughts and silly rhymes
The clock is ticking in my mind
There's only one thing I've yet to find
My future, my plans.
Future plans.
Through twisted thoughts, I travel
The fabric of life is beginning to unravel
My heart is counting down the seconds
Until I decide--what's right.
My cold reflection in your eyes
O! how bright I shine in the emptiness
Dramatic hyperactive lies
Bouncing off the walls of my selfishness
Let the sounds echo in my head
Keep telling me you wish I was dead
Just be careful what wish for
Because I'll be gone, gone, gone.
If I dressed down
And stopped acting tough
If I let my hair grow long
Would that be enough?
If I changed my name
And changed my style
Would I still be the same
As the girl you don't see?
Would you love me
If I was more like her?
What do I have to do
To make you love me?
If I changed my voice
And let people in
If I forgot who I am
Would that be a sin?
If I painted my nails
And wasn't so shy
If I smiled more often
Would you see the sparkle in my eye?
Would you love me
If I was more like her?
What do I have to do
To make you love me?
Stop trying...
When my eyes close and I’m at rest
When I’m smiling and happy and at my best
When I think that I’ll be alone forever
You kiss my closed eyes and make everything better
My sky, my moon, my stars
You are everything to me
You always are
He slams her up against the wall,
Kisses her roughly as the books fall
She fights against the pleasure
She feels the gentle pressure
Of his warm body against hers
Her legs intertwined with his body
She’s no longer on the ground
He feels the excitement in his blood
He leans forward as the visions begin to flood
His mind— her body waits
Precious time keeps passing by
O! How the days seem to fly
The bitter cold melts away
Drip, drip, dripping--time sways
A little tick, a little tock
The beats of a monotonous clock
The heat melts away the day
Drip, drip, dripping--time sways
Time doesn't wait for you or me
It's is what it wants to be
There is nothing you can do
To make it change...
Just let it pass.
I’m a little too busy
I’m a little too late
I’m a little out of sorts
That’s just me
I’m a little too short
I’m a little too fat
I’m a little bit stressed
That’s just me
I’m a little too quiet
I’m a little too something
But that’s not what you need
That’s just me
I muster up the strength
To admit that things are wrong
Inside my mind I am alone
Empty notes and insults are my song
I'm broken like a shard of glass
That makes you bleed for fun
I'm an empty mirror's reflection
I'll blind you in the sun
Who am I to be this way
Troubled and torn apart
Children shed less tears than I.
What happened
To the way you loved me
The promises you made
Go stale with time
I thought you would
Never make me cry?
Watch the break down
Take place
I need to speak out loud
I need to scream and shout
I need you to tell the truth
How long will you stay with me?
Make the nightmares cease
Take the time to breathe
Stop the threats
Stop the lies
I hate to cry
Let it out
Just let me go already
I know I’m not good enough
Let me destroy me
Forever is a word
A word that we use loosely
It ties us to nothing
Nothing but time
So say goodbye
Let me bleed
I’ll call him up
Take the time to breathe
The threats stop
The lies die
I’ll let it out
I know I’m not good enough
Let me destroy me
